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Written in IM for tuff_ghost while I was also in my genetics class, trying not to fail:


'A Story of Codependent Zombie Fun at the Park'

On the first day of autumn, Dan and his pet zombie went walking in the park. There were pigeons everywhere, pooping on everything. His zombie was angered by this and tried to eat the pigeons.

Dan looked around for a newspaper stand, because as we all know, a rolled up newspaper is the best way to dissuade your pet zombie from bad behavior. He bought the gazette for this purpose because his particular pet zombie hated the gazette. He hated it SO MUCH.

When Dan got back, all he could see was feathers, feathers everywhere, a blizzard of bloody feathers. But Oh No! His pet zombie was nowhere to be seen! He looked in the trees, and inside the trash cans, and even under the bench (because his pet zombie used to spend time there, and sometimes fell back on old habits). But no! He could find nothing.

Then he heard a splashing sound from down the path! It sounded a little like an angry duck fighting with an angry aardvark.

'That sounds like my pet zombie!' thought Dan, getting his newspaper ready and stalking off down the path. The zombie had something against birds, and Dan never understood it. Birds were such beautiful creatures, after all. And it's not as if he ever paid more attention to his bird books and binoculars than to his zombie, oh no.

When he got to the water, there was again nothing to see except for all the bloody carnage he had come to expect. There was a stack of pigeons by the water, and angry ducks swooping all around! Dan looked around, but there was no where else to go from this spot. There were no other paths, and no place to hide!

Then, oh ho! He remembered! Zombies don't need to breathe much! 'I know where you're hiding!' he said, 'You rascally scamp!'

His pet zombie burst from the water then, covered in blood and pigeon poo and and with his clothes all ripped from the angry ducks! 'Sorry, Daniel,' he said, 'was trying to wash up. Lake is not very clean.'

'No,' Dan said, wrinkling his nose. 'It isn't.'

'Why did you systematically massacre twenty-seven pigeons!' Dan shouted then, and boy was he mad!

'They made me angry,' said his pet zombie. A lot of things made him angry. And when things made him angry, he would always make Dan sad.

'You shouldn't have done that.' Dan said, but he was already tired of fighting about it. He was so tired of fighting. His pet zombie was his friend but he was also kind of scary sometimes and these were just the things he did.

'You should go feed the ducks,' Dan said, 'to make up for scaring them.'

'Okay,' his zombie said.

And they did.

THE END.


Then, written in IM by tuff_ghost, NOT BY ME, while she was playing COMPUTAR GAMES:


'The Story of Rorschach's New Pants'

So they have to get back to patrolling when Ror's leg is no longer falling off. Dan decides this after Ror passes the hobbling around the house stage. Then Ror disappears off to his hidey hole out the basement in some weird amalgam of Dan's clothes. And the mask. Which looks funny.

When Ror comes back he's got his purple suit jacket and some fugly brown pants that might have been tweed clearly scrounged from salvation army table, and a green shirt. And he's looking at Dan like DONT LAUGH AT ME. He's not got the mask on when he's back so Dan has a brief moment of, whoa, a strange hobo.

And then they're about to go out and it's pretty dark so the difference between brown and purple doesn't really show. But Dan notices cos he's right there and he knows what Rorschach is supposed to look like.

And Dan says: Rorschach we must get you some new pants!

And Rorschach says: Fine like this.

And Dan says: But I thought purple was your favourite colour. Wouldn't you like some new purple pants?

And Rorschach says: There is no purple pinstripe cloth to be had in the whole city.

Dan says: I don't believe you.

And Ror says: Not for under $5 anyway. And also I lost my old job where I could steal purple pinstripe remnants with which to make superhero costumes. Because I am now a fearsome zombie and no one wants a fearsome zombie measuring their inseam. Or their bosom!

And Dan says: Oh fah, I'm rich, what tailor should we go to? Tell me right now or there will be no more froot loops for you.

(Rorschach loves froot loops.)

So under duress and coercion and blackmail Rorschach gives Dan the address of his old job and they go there and Dan buys the most beautiful purple pinstripe fabric ever and watches with great interest while Ror's old boss measures him up for a new suit. And Ror's old boss is amazed that his old whipping boy is now a scary zombie and also apparently has a sugar daddy. But to be extra sure there won't be any zombie retribution or lawsuits he throws in a new dress shirt and some sock garters.

Dan asks Rorschach to model the sock garters and Rorschach says no. Because they're not yet at that point in their relationship where one can model sock garters for one's bf.

So Rorschach gets his new suit and he looks prettier than ever and Dan's like, hey, you so pretty. And Ror is like :[

So he goes and jumps in 50 dumpsters to get the suit all nice and dirty and smelly and stained with mysterious substances. And Dan is like :[

And they both live odorously ever after.

THE END.


I'm so blocked, I actually count this stuff as fic. So what do you think, LJ? Illustrated kid's book material?

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
jack_infinitude
Oct. 26th, 2010 03:04 am (UTC)
Fic is fic, no matter how cracky. These were hilarious and awesome! (Would not mind more in this vein. :3)
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
If I get bored in class again there will probably be more ;)

And thanks! I always feel weird posting fic that doesn't take itself utterly seriously.
robinnevermore
Oct. 26th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC)
OMG! I am laughing so hard, I can't breath. This is amazing! Do not feel sorry for posting it at all, I'm happy you did.

"(Rorschach loves Froot Loops.)" TRUE. (How the fuck can't you like those bright, sugary bastards?)

"And Ror's old boss is amazed that his old whipping boy is now a scary zombie and also apparently has a sugar daddy. But to be extra sure there wont be any zombie retribution or lawsuits he throws in a new dress shirt and some sock garters.

Dan asks Rorschach to model the sock garters and Rorschach says no. Because they're not yet at that point in their relationship where one can model sock garters for one's bf."

Just....just this entire section. I nearly peed myself laughing.

I'm very sorry you're blocked....um, prompt....prompt....What do I like? Well, porn is a good place to start.....*smiles innocently*

But I suppose you need something of more substance...so I'll throw out some words/phrase and see if they trigger anything.

Bite the bullet, pick your poison, hit the ground running, Hershey's, secret habit, secret obsession, secret kink/perversion, Steampunk, Green glass coke bottles, depression, Dan is too quiet, there are shadows beneath his eyes.

There ya go. I hope it'll at least amuse you. :D

etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:38 pm (UTC)
Hah, it's not that I'm blocked for ideas - I have far too many - it's the getting-them-down-on-the-screen bit that's not working out so well. But thank you so much, I'll keep those around and see if they spark anything!
mad_bertha
Oct. 26th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
LOL, it looks like you had fun, and perhaps that's the important thing!

mmmm sock garters...

etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
Sock garters always win. No matter the circumstances! That's how powerful they are.

And yeah, right now whatever little bits of fun I can grab. :|
mad_bertha
Oct. 30th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC)
Totally! Fun comes in many forms and a children's illustrated series of Dan and his pet zombie is something i'd love hahaha :)
jackiemei
Oct. 26th, 2010 04:56 am (UTC)
FFFFFFFFFFF

WHY DO I NOT HAVE TIME TO ILLUSTRATE THIS WITH GLORIOUS CHIBIS OF LITTLE TECHNICAL MERIT?!?!Will try maybe to find time. will try, will try, will try....

Srsly, these both made lol so much. too many lulzy lines to pick out all my favs, but this was one:

"Then he heard a splashing sound from down the path! It sounded a little like an angry duck fighting with an angry aardvark.

'That sounds like my pet zombie!' thought Dan"

as was:

"Because I am now a fearsome zombie and no one wants a fearsome zombie measuring their inseam. Or their bosom!

And Dan says: Oh fah, I'm rich, what tailor should we go to? Tell me right now or there will be no more froot loops for you."

XD

etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:36 pm (UTC)
I am so glad to have made you laugh, and over the moon that you did a pic for them (http://community.livejournal.com/watchmenpchat/10974.html?thread=226526#t226526 for anyone interested!). You are, as always, the bestest. <3
tuff_ghost
Oct. 26th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC)
hee, you edited them, look at all that punctuation :DDD
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
Of course I did, I am ocd like that. :P
wednesday42
Oct. 26th, 2010 04:44 pm (UTC)
OMG THESE ARE SO AWESOME.

And that totally counts as fic. :)

>"Dan looked around for a newspaper stand, because as we all know, a rolled up newspaper is the best way to dissuade your pet zombie from bad behavior. He bought the gazette for this purpose because his particular pet zombie hated the gazette. He hated it SO MUCH."

Loved that. Loved it SO MUCH.
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Thank you SO MUCH. <3

And that totally counts as fic. :)

Man, idk about that!
findmyantidrug
Oct. 26th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
You guys are both wonderful, and these are the best fics.
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you <3
sepulchre_angel
Oct. 28th, 2010 06:25 am (UTC)
this post is the most important thing the world has ever seen. *intense stare*

[seriously though, I laughed til I cried. xD]
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
That's... good? bad? i dont even know!

Thanks ;D
ook
Oct. 28th, 2010 03:56 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! Tuff and you are such awesome writers! :D
etherati
Oct. 29th, 2010 04:32 pm (UTC)
Haha thanks, we were so bored XD
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

what this is.


This is a fic journal for the most part, with some art on the side and a sprinkling of personal posts here and there. I don't write as much as I used to, but I try.

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