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FIC: Only Scars

Title: Only Scars
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Rose, Ninth Doctor
Date Written: 2007
Summary: Badwolf in the throes of its birthdeathloveburningechodarknesstimeshatter. The sun's so bright, it leaves no shadows.
Rating/Warnings: PG for theoretical/time-splintered character death.
Notes: Oneshot, PotW Rose/badwolf POV. Just a thought on how traumatic it must be to be in a very time-sensitive state on the cusp of creating a predestination paradox.
Spoilers: PotW, though if you haven't seen it, this won't likely make enough sense to be spoilery.

It's the sun and the tardis and time and the love of an entire universe and

it's whole and breaking and


and it is the love of every life he's saved and the forgiveness of every life he lost for all the right and wrong reasons and it's the furious desperation of the dead space wrapped in a layer of white hot fire burning too hard to reach through into the darkness inside and

it burns up the dark places in her and it blasts away the contrast and edges and it violates and empties the pockets of shadow where the secrets hide and

it says one word just one word it says


it says live and it says die and it says die so that he may live and she is falling into herself and why does it hurt and

the glass breaks and she is seeing more than she can see and there are dimensions inside of cracks inside of folds inside of warped and blurred timespace and light is breaking and time is burning and the sun inside her rips the darkness out of her and stitches her back together and she is


and he is


and he is standing and he is proud and he closes his eyes and the blue lashes out of the darkness and he is falling to the ground and

he is knocked back by the gold and it is dancing in his eyes and there is fear and there is wetness and does he cry for her or for himself he is falling and he is


and he is looking up at her full of fear and gold and he is on his knees and he is alive and there is the singed charnel stink of his death and
there is a body on the floor and it does not move and it is his and he is arguing with her and he is telling her to unshatter time and to stop burning

and she is burning

before she runs out of fuel and the fire takes her eyes and her heart and her self and there is nothing left

nothing left

and the sun inside of her says


and the sun inside of her says


and the sun/tardis/love inside of her tells her to raise her arm and summon herself here and it is an act of suicide now because she knows what it is to take the light into herself and let it take everything it needs when it never stops needing and never stops taking and it is love for the universe and it is love for him and

what would the universe be without him and

he is dead on the floor and the monsters are gathered and they have won and

she is the monster now and he is begging her not to be and his eyes are so desperate and lost and the sun/tardis/love can barely stand it and

she is crying and she is creating herself and she is jumping she is jumping into the breach and into the dead space inside of its fire and she is letting go and the circuit completes and time snaps back into focus and

she still cannot see but it is for the tears now and not for the cracked glass and broken time and she has locked him into place and he is alive and not dead not dead not dead not wiped from the love of the universe by petty jealous monsters and

that's all she really wants and that is all the sun/tardis/love really wants and she is scaring him and she is scarring him and it is horrible but
he is alive and

it hurts

and she is hurting and she is hurting him and it is horrible and it is wonderful because if he can hurt then he is alive and if he is scarred he can heal and if he can cry and blame himself then the universe can breathe him and he can breathe the universe and

he can breathe her and

the monsters don't win and

it sounds like singing.